So. . .
I'm sure you've noticed that my blogging has, yet again, ceased to exist. I hate to admit that the reason for this was, yet again, a tragic and troubling event that has occurred in our lives. My family. My loving, amazing, beautiful, poor, poor family. I've decided to just start writing; without hitting delete, share my feelings about this experience:
This past week was spent grieving, crying, and mourning the unexpected loss of my husband and my 20 month old god-son and nephew. The day after Mother's day we were awoken with a rather shocking phone call informing us of the devastation. The rest is a complete blur. It seems like time elapsed so quickly I can't even recall its events. Its difficult to cope,and to mourn the loss of such innocence, because there is just no explanation or justification. I have seen so many things this past week. I have seen pain in peoples eyes greater than anything I've ever experienced; I've seen hurt, anger, frustration, and SHOCK. I was in shock. We see the news, we see the movies, we hear of people who have experienced this sort of pain, but somehow we can just so casually move on, thanking everything that it is not US.
. . . What happens when it is us? What happens when our closest loved ones are the ones experiencing this pain, and we are, first hand having to cope with the anger associated with such loss? How do we explain? How do we justify? How do we move on?
I found it very therapeutic to write about my previous loss, but I feel like I had just reached a state of recovery when this devastating news reached our family. I just wish I could have done something! I saw the tears and tried to be strong. I tried to just BE. Be there for those who needed a hug, a hand, a heart, or just my presence. If anything positive this week, I saw the way my in-laws, and my immediate family came together to support one another. I saw the love I am surrounded by on a daily basis. I received phone calls, e-mails, text messages, and gifts from people who were thinking, and praying for us. People who care so much about my family and I, that our hurt was their hurt; our tears were there tears. It was so heartwarming. Everyone held one another, told one another how much they meant to us, how much we loved them, because we immediately had a new appreciation for life, and family, and love.
I don't really know what I'm trying to accomplish with this post, if anything. But I just really needed to say these things before I could go on. I feel like writing the words actually makes them real, and enables me to cope. I hope everyone who reads this post can learn and somehow feel, for a moment, exactly what it feels like.
In loving memory of: Silas Luke Meyer
Visiting from 20sb. I am so sorry for your loss. It does not seem fair or to make sense. Grief is hard and takes time. My dad died in 2009 and that devastated me. I know losing a 62 year old man is not the same as a 20 month old little boy, but it's horribly hard.
ReplyDeleteI hope you keep writing, crying, talking - whatever it takes to help.
Whitney,
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. There's nothing I can say... I'm proud of you for taking your time to feel this. You need to. I'm here for you however you might need.
~Candi
Wow, sorry for your loss. Writing is freeing and so are your tears. You said you don't know what you are trying to accomplish with the post, and thats ok. its perfectly fine to just share. Here is to your healing.
ReplyDeleteI'm so very sorry for your loss. Keep on writing. It doesn't have to make sense, just let it out.
ReplyDeleteWarm thoughts to you and yours.
I am visiting from 20sb (and adding you, if that's okay). I am so sorry for your loss. I am still a constant mess over the loss of my mother (over ten years ago), but can't even imagine the devastation of the loss of a child. I have a teenage nephew and two young nieces, and would be an absolute mess if anything happened to any of them. They are my heart.I cannot even begin to imagine what you and your family are going through. I have found, though, that writing/blogging does help me to cope, and hope that you find some peace in it.
ReplyDeleteI am connected to the Meyers through several family connections. Geoff's grandma, Jeannette, is my grandfather's sister. I was so sorry to hear about poor little Silas. My grandma had just spoken with Jeannette and they had talked about Silas being in the hospital that Sunday of Mother's Day. Then we heard what happened. I was shocked. I lost my little girl 2 years ago, and it just threw me back. I certainly hope they are able to cope with family and friends. There is a group known as Compassionate Friends. They are a nation wide group for parents who have lost children (of all ages). It is having its national conference in Minneapolis in June this year. It would be worth them going if you can connect this information with them. I know that my husband and my little boy and I are planning on heading in. It's good to have that connection- to resources, to others in situations with this grief, etc. The woman who contacted my husband and I about Compassionate Friends had lost her son- she said, "Welcome to the club you never wanted to join." It was so true. If Geoff and Josie are able to see what it is like- it would be a great resource for them- they can also bring family (Laurie, Nate, etc.).
ReplyDeleteThinking about you guys always, I was glad to see you were back on the blog, I hope that writing can continue to be a good therapeutic release for you. Love you Whit!
ReplyDeleteOh, wow. I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Losing someone so young is so tough. I hope your blog and writing can be therapeutic and help you through this terrible time.
ReplyDeleteL.
visiting via 20sb